Soul Portraits
It was late in 2002 and I had taken a year and a half off from seeing anyone romantically. I told God in no uncertain terms that the next man I got involved with would have to be my husband because I did not want to go through any more heartbreak. I had half-heartedly made a list of the attributes that my future husband should have, but felt strangely disconnected from even wanting a husband or a life partner. One Sunday at church I sat next to my dear friends, Richard and Virginia, who after raising families of their own and eventually divorcing their respective partners, had met and fallen in love with each other in their fifties. On an inspiration I asked Virginia how they had met, how their beautiful relationship had come to be. She replied that she had not been either looking for a soulmate or expecting she would ever remarry when a poem suddenly came to her. She told me that six months after this poem ‘arrived’ she met Richard, who was the fulfillment of the poem’s promise. She recited it to me on the spot, and it so struck me that I began to cry. Her poem made me realize that my heart was closed to the possibility of being disappointed yet again, that I did not believe I would ever be as fortunate as she, and that the only way to truly find my Beloved would be to embrace the pain and sadness that was sitting there inside me, as well as face the fear that there might not be anyone for me. Upon returning home that day I sat down at my piano and created a song out of Virginia’s poem. It broke my heart to sing it, but I sang it again and again as I knew it was a healing for me. Each time I sang it was different. I experienced great love and inspiration from singing it as well as desperation and loneliness. I kept singing it every day, no matter what it brought up for me. It broke my heart open again and again. Three weeks after Virginia gave me the poem I met my husband Michael. My Beloved
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